I’ve taken on a lot this year. I’m a full-time (Graphic Design) and a part-time student (Natural Health Practitioner), and I’m chasing other goals, too. I’m damn proud of myself.
I keep waiting to burn out. I keep waiting to get sick. To lose this motivation. For the fuel to be used up. But my mind and body just keep pushing me forward, and I think it is now I have finally found everything I love. So today, I acknowledge that and grateful for it.
I just started my very own Instamemoir. Please go check it out. You can also search #nicolealexinstamemoir.
I have this eerie connection to my death. That is a very creepy thing to write, and so I have no doubt it is strange to read.
When I say I am afraid of death and of dying, it is not something to be taken lightly. Maybe you’re not understanding how deep this fear really runs, so let me reword it: I am obsessed with the horrific thought of death and dying. Some days are worse than others, but I’m not exaggerating when I say that I think of it constantly. At a minimum, I think about it once every hour. So when I say that I have an eerie connection to my death, I say that because I picture it. I feel it. I feel a world without me in it.
That is awfully morbid, but once you know that about me, you can understand, too, how beautifully I live. I truly view everything as a last-moment kind of thing. And that is not a sad way to live. I see, hear and feel beauty. Every moment of my life is driven with intention and love. I fear this is a habit of the elderly and not something present in twenty-somethings. And I ask you – why not?
I am here today, not to spread my fear of death and dying. It is not something I wish on anybody. It is a paralysingly dark fear. However, I am here to share how important it is to create. If there is one thing that puts me at ease, it is writing. I know it is the one thing that will live on when I am no longer. And that makes me so, so happy.
I want to inspire many people to think only of the love they have for their greatest dreams, and to reach out to them without a second of hesitation. There is no time to lose. We must dream, create and live every second of our lives. Amateur or professional – I just want to see everyone in action. And we must do this while connecting with one another. We are alive in a beautiful age and connection is so easy. Let us make this happen. Now. Today. This moment.
Now, go! I can’t wait to see what it is you do in this world.